My New Life...

Well, here I sit in my apartment in Tampa. I start a new job on Thursday, a new school in 3 weeks. I have so much to be excited about...I get a brand new start. But I feel so alone. Laura is here with me...or, rather, I am here with her. But she's in school all day and as of right now I'm home alone all day unless I have an interview or some random errand to run. Then I'm alone all night because she's studying. I hate that. I will be glad to start the job on Thursday and have some people to at least talk with at work. That will make me appreciate the time I have alone at night. I miss Lee. I didn't think I would miss him this much, but I do...and I'm not so sure he feels the same way about me. That's making this even harder. I talk to his mom more than I talk to him. We haven't been dating that long, so that's kind of weird, but not weird at the same time. I really like his mom, and we get along great. Besides, it's really nice to be able to pick up the phone and have someone to talk to. I wonder if I've made the right decision...moving here. I wonder if this really is God's plan. But I know that I've let Him take the wheel and guide my decisions on all of this, so I'm reassured by that fact. This is my new life. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I'm adjusting pretty well. The more I ride around and the more I see of the city, the more it feels like home. I finally got myself to the gym yesterday. It felt great! I missed feeling that good about myself. I've gotten all my weight off, but I still just felt lethargic. Exercising always helped me feel better...blame the endorphins I guess. I didn't make it back today, but I plan to do so tomorrow. I actually enjoyed riding the bus to school. I think I will make good use of it when the semester starts if I have time. It make me feel more like I live in a big city...like it felt when re rode the subways in New York. It's a feeling of independence that I really can't explain. It just felt good. Also for tommorow, I've got to buy some milk for breakfast, finish my mirror and hang it along with the long-view mirror, and take care of a few other things I've been putting off before I start work. I want to start my scrapbook/journal, but I really don't know where to begin it. I want it to start with Lee and I meeting, but I don't necessarily want it to be all about me and Lee. I want it to include everything. I think I'll ask Jami for some help with it. She's pretty creative. 24 days until I can go home...if I can afford it. I'll probably have to borrow money from my mom in order to pay the bills this month...then I'll have to pay her back AND pay the bills next month. It's almost not worth the hassle. But the bills do have to get paid on time, and I'm in no position to start ruining my credit, especially since I don't have any. Hopefully I'll be able to pay her back quickly and not have to worry with it anymore. I still have to sort out my student loans. I'll need that money quickly so I can buy books. Maybe the leftovers from that will help me pay her back. I really need someone to just chit chat with, but now that sounds so selfish, considering i have MRs. Jami and Laura at my disposal, plus Brittany and my mom. I feel like I'm talking to a computer screen....which is bacically what I'm doing. Maybe this will be my outlet from now on. Maybe this will be good for me. I need some sleep.

God is amazing.

So, things are winding down for the semester...2 classes and 3 finals to go. I'm looking forward to the summer...I've had classes the last 2, but not this time! Makenna will be here soon, and I can't wait to hold her and tell her I love her! We're about 35 days away from the cruise and I'm getting excited about that...I just want to be on the beach or in the sun. I feel the need to be outdoors doing something. I have softball practice today, so I'm looking forward to that. It's nice to be able to take an afternoon and enjoy yourself every once in a while. My mom and I sang in church today, despite the many things that happened to prevent it! haha...long story. Everyone said we did a great job, so it all worked out fine. Things are really looking up for me lately. I have a new friend who's just great...fun to be around, makes me laugh, but can still be serious when I need to talk. So far, so good. Summer is here, and I'll be going off to school soon.
You know, God is completely awesome! It amazes me the way he puts people in our paths to help us and to comfort us. Today in church, the preacher read a verse that I really liked (1 Corinthians 1:3-6):
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.

Today I realized this is what we're here for. This is why we're friends. Yesterday I got the chance to be the comforter for my good friend, and it was a great feeling. And when I thought back to the time when I was going through something difficult, she was there to comfort me because she had already suffered through it. It is truly amazing to me how God brings us together to help one another. I am so thankful for everything He has done for me and every opportunity He has given me to do His work. That's who I strive to be...the person who's always there to lend a hand...or an ear, or a shoulder, or whatever I have to give. God has given me the chance to do that, and I'm ready.

Beautiful

I want to see you wear my last name,
And I want to hold your hand as the church bells ring.
I just want to kiss your lips when you say that “I do,”
And I want to spend my life forever with you.

‘Cause you’re so beautiful,
You’re so beautiful,
Yeah, and you’re good looking, too.

I want to hold you as the sun begins to set,
And I love the way you smile when your hair’s all a mess.
I know there’s so much more to you than the way that you love,
And darling if I were to tell the truth, that’s why I can’t get enough.

‘Cause you’re beautiful,
Yes, you’re beautiful,
Yeah, and you’re good looking, too.

And I know that you could find somebody else
A whole lot wiser, a lot more money, yeah.
But I know someone that loves you, and he’s sitting right here in front of you
He shutters at the sound of your name.
If you ask him well know that he will tell you that he can’t stop thinking of you
And that all he wanted to say

Is that you are beautiful,
You’re so beautiful,
Yes, you’re beautiful,
You’re so beautiful.
Yeah, and you’re good looking, too.

-Brad Passons

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This is how I want to love...forever.

-ape